I have a love-hate relationship with Enugu, the city I live in.
Enugu is the home of my childhood and for that, it has a special place in my heart.
However, my beautiful Enugu is a city of contradictions.
It’s so small I can fit everything about her into my heart, but so tiny there are no mysteries to be discovered.
She gives me peace, security, and comfort but robs me of dearly needed opportunities
I look for Enugu everywhere I go. Like a romantic pining over a lost first love, I scrutinize each place, hoping to find a reflection of the quaint home of my childhood.
The streets of Lagos are too packed, too busy, and too noisy to be it.
Owerri, with her lilting, hesitant dialect and happy hours, is too alive and vibrant to be it.
Abuja, in his standoffishness, is too sophisticated, pretentious and lacks the rustic charm of my beautiful Enugu
Anambra, with her interchanged ‘r’s and ‘l’s and hustle and bustle, is too commercial to be it.
And so I hold on to convulsively to my dear Enugu and refuse to let go. Even when I know there is nothing left for me on her narrow streets, I refuse to let go.
Even though my craft seems pointless amidst the slow pace of Enugu metropolis, I hold on
Even when the rope burn of lost opportunities sting my palms, I hold on.
I keep looking for all the good things Enugu is- and all it is not- in the streets and people of other states- and when I don’t find it, I run back into the arms of my dearest Enugu.
This push-and-pull is what I feel happens with many people with relationships and love. Growing up, we experience or observe a relationship that serves as the basis for our definition of love. And we hold on to that definition and refuse to let go. And when we don’t find it in whoever we are considering – because each person and each love differs from the next- we scratch them off our list and continue our search for a perfect, unicorn relationship.
Unconsciously, we search for everything that particular love is (and all it is not) in the eyes, hearts, and demeanors of new love interests.
We look for someone as expressive and as creative as our first love was but without the anger management issues and infidelity.
And when we do find someone with a measured temperament who prioritizes fidelity, we scratch them off the list because creativity is not their strong suit. We turn it down without discovering that unique mystery each love offers and find comfort in the fact that something better, something more like what we imagine love to be, lies on the sloping roads of the future.
This constant search for perfection reminds me of a story I once read and it goes thus:
“At the end of a day in the field, a farmer called his son to discuss with him. The son was growing into a young man and soon he would be considering getting married and starting a family of his own. Naturally, the son thought his father would be offering some important advice about growing up.
The boy was a bit surprised when his father said, “Son, your mother wants to make the most special dish she has ever made tonight and she is counting on you to pick the best possible ear of corn. Please don’t disappoint her.” Since they lived on a large farm with acres of corn, he was confident he could make his mother happy in short order.
But the farmer had some rules the son needed to obey.
“Son,” the farmer began, “Look out there and see all the corn we have grown. There are acres and acres as far as you can see. You can pick your special ear of corn from anywhere, but there are four simple rules you must follow:
First, you must be back home before the sun goes down so your mother has time to prepare the dish.
Second, while you may enter any row in the entire cornfield, you may only choose one row. Once you have entered it, you may not go into another row.
Third, once you enter a row, you may pick any ear of corn in that row, but you may never go backward in the row. You can only go forward.”
And fourth, you may only pick one ear of corn. Once you pick it, that’s the one you will bring home to your mother.
The son agreed and ran to the cornfield. Even with the rules, he knew his job would be easy. There were hundreds of rows of corn filled with hundreds of tall corn plants, each carrying multiple ears of juicy, golden corn. And there was plenty of daylight left so he had more time than he needed.
He walked past row upon row of luscious corn plants before choosing to enter what looked like a particularly tall and green row of corn. Right off the bat, the young man saw so many large, juicy ears he nearly picked one right away. But if he found these so quickly, there were bound to be bigger, better ones further down the row. And, being a dutiful son, he wanted to surprise his mother with the grandest ear of corn she had ever seen.
And he was right! As he slogged his way down the row, he saw more impressive ears of corn. He was amazed at his good fortune in choosing what seemed to be the perfect cornrow. The corn plants looked even more splendid. He walked further and further, passing ear upon ear of beautiful corn. He pictured the look of delight his mother would wear when he presented her with his trophy ear of corn. He continued looking high and low for “The Perfect” ear of corn and time passed.
The corn was so tall that it blocked much of the sunlight. However, he sensed it was growing darker outside. So, he pushed away some of the corn leaves to open a view of the sky. He noticed the sun was setting. This meant he needed to pick his corn soon. Then, he looked ahead and saw that he had unexpectedly reached the end of his row. As he looked to each side, all that remained were a couple of highly stressed corn plants, and there he was, empty-handed. It devastated the boy that all he had to choose from now were small, shriveled ears of corn. He picked an ear no bigger than the size of his hand and walked dejectedly back to the farmhouse.
He showed his mother and father the pitiful ear of corn and apologized. He explained how he had passed up countless beautiful ears of corn only to be left with such disappointment.
His father and mother said they hoped he would learn a lesson that life is full of opportunity and also full of important decisions. They wanted him to remember that in life, or in choosing a wife, it’s fine to want the best, but if you insist on perfection, or if you wait too long to decide, you may end up with little or nothing at all…”
In life, it is easy to become Goldilocks on the constant search for perfection. However, there is no such thing as a perfect city, spouse, job, situation, or ear of corn. Sure, there are some bad ones that you should rule out, but there are many fine candidates that could serve you well. If you work hard and choose wisely, you will be perfectly happy with one of those good options. Life is all about having faith in your decisions and being willing to discover all that city, person, corn cob or situation has to offer.
Like what you read? Check out Iron Heaven and Influencer Paradise: A Memoir of Safe Spaces.
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